Another Way Out/Where-Submitted by: Tessa
*Where is my life heading? Is it ever going to end? Or will it have some better times, with my enemy as my friend? Does anyone know how it feels or am I the only one? To have thousands of regrets for all the wrongs that I have done.*
Maybe I could forgive myself for everything I've done. For if I go away today, my life will not be won. I will miss my family and my friends, but be leaving my burden behind. They'd have the pain that I feel now, but they can live the life I cannot find. I just don't know what to do right now. I feel so blindly confused. Could I be so cruel to hurt them all? I don't know what else to do. But way deep down inside my heart I know this is not my wish. Is there a way I can start anew? With my life not at all like this?
Can I really do this to myself? Can I really make this choice? For inside my head there is a doubt, I keep hearing a little voice. A voice of happy memories, of laughter and of fun, saying "Do I want to end all this with the bullet of one gun? But like I said before, I just don't know where to turn. To end all of this suffering, that is what I yearn. To have a place that I could be where my fears would go away. Is there really such a place? I'm not sure, so I say:
I look at the silver gun, as I hold it in my hand. I wonder how it got there. Is this my master plan? I watch myself release it, like it's not really in my grip. And I am glad that I have placed it down, and not let the trigger slip. I think about my life and all the fun that I have had. I reminisce about my years, which really weren't so bad.
I grab the phone beside my bed to leave a message for my friend. I fumble through her number...What goes at the end? I finally recall the digit, and I punch it on the phone. She then picks up, I hear her voice, and I'm glad that she's at home. "We need to talk" I say quickly, with fear behind my voice. "What's wrong?" she asks, her voice so low, I can hardly hear the noise. I don't know how to explain myself, to tell her how I feel. I think for a moment. What should I say? "All of this pain in me, is it real?"
She listens carefully as I speak, to hear my final speech. She falls silent for a second, I wait to see what she will preach. But instead of telling me the lie of "everything will be alright", she takes a breath and starts to cry. We cry all through the night. We talk for hours, she helps me some. I still have many doubts. But with our conversation, she's showed me there's another way out.